Desert Dawn
by Unoriginality
Summary: A birthday fic for Squall. ^_^ Yaoi implications


I do not own these characters, they belong to Squaresoft. This is a birthday fic for Squall-chan, August 23. Happy Birthday, Squall! (Actually, the fic was written for a friend of mine, Fuu-sama, but it's also for our beloved Squall Leonhart.)

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Desert Dawn

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By: Unoriginality

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Don't forget me

I love you so much

It pains me

But I'll stay right here

And stare at the

Desert dawn

--Takeuchi Naoko

August 23

Hyne, I dread this day. But every year it comes, I swear just to spite me. I don't want them to make such a big fuss; It's just a birthday, everyone has one.

But it's *my* birthday, so they think they have to celebrate.

They don't mean any harm, they're just trying to be good friends. They certainly mean well. And it's not like I don't appreciate the trouble they go through...but I don't *want* them to.

Especially her. She smiles so brightly this day, laughing sweetly as she bustles around, making sure every decoration is *just* right.

It is for her that I pretend to enjoy myself, even occasionally forcing a smile to my normally impassive face. She loves that.

Her brown eyes sparkle mischievously as she stands at my door, here to ask me to go for a "walk". I know that the "walk" will undoubtedly go to the cafeteria where the others are waiting, presents in hand and a cake on the table. They do it every year.

I wonder if they realize how much I hate this.

She chatters happily as she walks by my side, arm hooked on mine, not a care in the world. I repress a smile at her happiness; oddly enough it's one of the few things that make me happy.

Are you happy?" she asks me, looking at me innocently. I can no longer quell the smile that creeps along my lips.

"Are you here?" I ask in response. She nods, grinning at the knowledge of the direction of my question. "Then I am happy."

She's the only one that I can be so honest with, this raven-haired beauty who grips my arm tighter at my answer, sighing quietly with content. She's brought so much...joy to my life; I fear the pain of a lover left behind if I ever lost her.

We near the cafeteria. I was right. Her voice seems to get louder, more exuberant and the sound of hushed giggles reach my ears from within the double doors.

She stops me, placing her body between myself and the doors. She asks me to close my eyes, an impish grin playing on her face.

I comply, already knowing what awaits me: a supposedly surprise party with all my friends waiting for me, smiles on their faces and cheesy hats on their heads.

Hyne, I hate those hats.

I hear the sound of the doors opening as Rinoa takes my hands and silently coaxes me in.

"SURPRISE!" they shout, confetti flying across my field of vision as I open my eyes...

And see a sight I neither expected nor ever wanted to see again.

Oh, not that my friends weren't there, they were, complete with cheesy hats, silly grins, presents, and a cake on the table...but that is not the only thing there.

*You.*

Oh Hyne, I had hoped that I would never see you again, your face so familiar...the face of a bitter rival, a hated enemy, a beloved lover.

The group quiets, a tense silence filling the room as we stare at each other. Memories-- some so old they seem more like pieces of long forgotten dreams-- flutter through my mind.

How long has it been, Seifer, since I called you friend, lover, brother? How long since we held each other tight only to fight the next day? My memories are so vague...has it been that long?

You must know the thoughts running through my head, your lips twitch slightly in response. Do you ask yourself the same questions? I wonder....

So much has happened, so much has taken place that I wonder if we might ever have a chance to resurrect our past...

But it is for the best that we don't. I have fallen in love, my brother, and I have friends that I call my family. You have your posse, a fierce warrior-woman who would kill Hyne herself if you only asked, and a strong fighter who follows you blindly into the pits of hell to protect you. They are your family.

Rinoa comes up behind me, placing a hand tentatively on my shoulder. I don't even look back to meet her gaze.

"Squall?" she whispers quietly so only I can hear. "Squall, I hope you don't mind, I'm the one who invited him. It's time to make peace. It's my birthday gift to you." I still can't look at her, I can't take my eyes off of you, off of my past incarnate.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see that only Zell seems to understand the tortured look on my face; oh yes, Zell understands, more than anyone he understands. He understands so well, in fact, that he brings over his present to me, a distraction from the uneasy moment. I take the small package in my hands, wondering what it could be, so small this box is. I shoot a glance back up at you, then slowly undo the red ribbon securing the gift...

Only to find that the little bastard has returned my Griever ring. I look back at Rinoa, to see if maybe my eyes hadn't deceived me when I thought I saw it on her necklace. No, it is there, too.

"I finally got the copy made for her," Zell announces with excitement, wearing a stupid grin on his face. "So here's yours back."

I look him straight in his crystal blue eyes, only two words to say coming to mind: "Thank you."

The others then bring over their own presents, and I thank them sincerely each in turn.

Zell and Selphie fight over who gets to cut the cake only to shoot angry glares at you as you walk over and do it yourself. Even I must laugh at that.

The time passes and not a word is spoken between the two of us. You stand away from the others, so obviously wishing that you had Fuujin and Raijin at your side. When did we switch places, my brother?

Just looking at you brings confusion...confusion that I want to sort out on my own.

The others seem to sense that I wish to be apart from them now. I have celebrated with them, and now it is time for me to be left alone. The same thing every year. So the attention subtly reverts to general conversation, allowing me to slip away quietly, though everyone knows when I do.

I walk to the Training Center, to the balcony hidden in the far back. I stare up at the sky, thinking.

How long had I wandered through that desert, thinking about the two lovers I had lost, believing that I could never get either one back? How many hours of anguish besides had you caused me? My memory flashes back to the way you looked at the Sorceress's side, flicking your hair back, so very..*alive*. The way you had me strapped to that device of pain, that smug look in your eyes at the knowledge that you had me, the lion, in your power. The hours I wandered in a desert, wishing that I could see your face, wondering if I had lost you yet again. Our destinies bind us together, my brother, my love. Yes, I still love you, even though I love another now.

"Squall," your voice comes from behind me. I whirl, my breath catching in my throat. I did not realize that you had followed. I can't respond, wishing I could look away as your sea-storm eyes pierce through my icy blue ones.

You place a hand on the side of my face, almost gently, but no more so than you ever did. I meet your gaze, something that is almost fright penetrating my heart like the Sorceress's ice crystal.

"Seifer," I say, cutting myself off, unable to find the words. You place a finger over my lips, stopping me from saying any more, as if I would be able to.

"Happy Birthday, Squall," you whisper, placing a light good-bye kiss on my scar, a scar that you gave me. I stare after you as you turn and leave, unable to move, touching a finger lightly to the spot where your lips met my face. I watch until you are gone from my sight.

I turn back to watch the rising sun, so late has our celebrations gone. For some reason, my mind keeps focusing on the desert, where my memory stayed with you. I stand, and stare at my desert dawn. 


End file.
